Fred Thompson "facts"
By Alexham Posted in 2008 — Comments (4) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »
O.k., I know this is nothing more than a blatant ripoff of the "Chuck Norris Facts" phenomenon, but many of these "facts" cracked me up, so I thought I would share some of them with y'all:
Fred Thompson's favorite color is the blood of his enemies.
Fred Thompson's favorite book is a battered copy of The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress which he used to beat a hippy to death with.
In an election, it costs ten dollars to vote for Fred Thompson since voting for him is a privilege, not a right.
What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Fred Thompson appears out of nowhere and beats the crap out of both of them.
More below the fold.
Fred Thompson never has to stop at a traffic light because of a Homeland Security directive requiring all lights to turn green whenever he approaches.
Does a bear @#$% in the woods? Only with signed notarized permission in triplicate from Fred Thompson.
When Fred Thompson empties his pistol at the firing range, it reloads itself out of respect.
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Fred Thompson loading his shotgun.
You can safely view Fred Thompson using a shoe box with a pin-sized hole in one end.
While he is opposed to gay marriage, Fred Thompson is very compassionate towards gays since, in comparison to him, every man is a flaming homosexual.
If Fred Thompson had been at Thermopylae, the movie would have been named "One".
The debate between the Republican candidates is a waste of time because Fred Thompson won't be there.
Fred Thompson won't need a Secret Service detail. In fact, HE will be protecting THEM because he's Fred Thompson.
Julie Annie and Romnie wear FRED_THOMPSON pajamas.
The Chicoms have not invaded California, because Fred Thompson has slept there.
Fred Thompson's gaze is known to purify water.
Fred Thompson did not appear in the movie The Fifth Element because they would have had to rename it The Fred Thompson.
(More at the Academy)