Redstate

By ilja Posted in 2008 — Comments (17) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »

In the beginning, the candidates we had to choose from were mostly like the guys you went to elementary, middle and high school with whom you had known all your life. You know how after awhile, you've dated a few, had crushes on a couple but mostly you feel like you know them all so well that you think of them more as brothers than possible love interests. Not to mention the fact that you've been through so much together that there's some bad blood between you and a couple of them that you could never entirely forget.

Let's take a look at each of them.

First, there was Rudy. He was the first candidate to ride high in the polls and as far as Fox News was concerned, the race was all but over. Which was part of what scared you so bad if like myself, you considered abortion murder. Sure you loved the way he led New York after the 9/11 attacks and you even admired the way he brought crime down during his tenure as Mayor. You did know he use to be Mayor of New York, didn't you?

But to you that was like loving your high-school basketball star who made the final basket to win the big game by one point. While he will always hold a special place in your heart, you can't dismiss the fact that he was also a man-slut who had slept around with everything and anything that wore a dress and for all you know maybe even a few who didn't since after all, he has been known to wear one a time or two himself. You just don't trust him and you have no respect for his morals or lack thereof.

Then there was Mitt. While he is great eye-candy and that is putting it mildly . . . er . . . what were we talking about . . . oh yeah, that was also part of what bothered you about him. Oh yes, you admired the way he turned around the Olympics in Utah and you especially admired his strong family values and beautiful wife and children. You also admired the great success he has had in life in all of his business ventures. But this was also part of what made you question him. Just what would he do to succeed? How far would he go to get what he wanted? Besides, he use to be one way and now he's another. Or at least that is your impression of him. Not to mention the fact that he seems to have brought pander to a whole new art form.

He reminds you of the guy in High School who won every superlative there was to give. He was the star quarterback, Class President, Salutatorian, voted Best-Looking and most likely to succeed. He dated and married the Prom Queen and of course he was the Prom King. He just seemed to get everything he ever wanted and while you admired him, that made him anything but approachable. He was not one of you and never would be therefore he could not possibly understand where you are coming from since he's never been there.

Next there was McCain. Ugh. Sure he was a POW and you do admire him for surviving that horrid experience not to mention you will always be grateful to him for serving his country. There's just a special pedestal where you place those who have served for your freedom. But John McCain is a media prostitute who would do anything and I do mean anything for face time in front of a camera. Unfortunately, the only reason he is so loved by the MSM is because he can always be counted on to be the burr in anything Conservatives find really important. Besides, look what happened the last time we chose a Republican Presidential candidate because it was his turn. Can you say Bob Dole?

McCain is like the guy in high school who always seemed to come in second best to guys like Mitt and yet he had done his part for the team. He played defense which of course he was well suited for what with his extreme temper. While he did a pretty good job, since he was not the one to score, he never got the attention that he thought he deserved. Therefore, he walked around with a chip on his shoulder. While you might have tried to befriend him unless you treated him as if his caca didn't stink, he wouldn't give you the time of day. Therefore, he was never one that you would have ever considered possible dating material.

And yes, John McCain, it was AMNESTY!

Next up is Ron Paul. While Ron Paul is one of the most trustworthy candidates there is, at least I believe that he really believes what he is saying most of the time, I have been quite offended by his accusations that we would not have been attacked on September 11th if we had not been in Saudi Arabia. Which somewhat leads to why I could not support Ron Paul, his stance on fighting terrorism by not fighting at all. I believe we should finish the job in Iraq at least as much as is possible in what we can control.

Yet, Ron Paul and some of his more sane followers have taught me quite a bit and I feel myself sliding more and more in agreement with libertarians.

So who does he remind me of from high school? I would have to say that he reminds me of one of those guys that use to hang out in shop class all day. You know the type. They were fabulous at fixing anything that went wrong with your wheels but unless you were into partaking of illegal substances, you were wise to never date them. How does this relate to Ron Paul, you ask? Can we say legalized drugs?

Then there was the surprise top tier candidate, Mike Huckabee. Would you believe there was a time that I could have been a very strong supporter of this man? Of course, there was also a time that I didn't know much about him except I liked him from his interviews on TV and I knew he was very strong on life issues. Unfortunately for Mr. Huckabee, by the time he did rise up from the ashes, I had already learned too much about his liberal stances on taxes and illegal immigration to give him any serious considerations.

Huckabee reminds me of the class clown. He can be a blast to be around and is always good for a laugh but other than being a friend, who would really take him seriously? At least high school teenage girls wouldn't since they are all about drama and angst. Guys like Mike never knew how to dance and definitely didn't know how to woo a lady. They were band members who were a bit geekish even if they were funny. Sure they had the other girls in the band to play around with, if you know what I mean, but I wasn't in the band. Okay, so I'm exaggerating just a tad but hey, you try writing one of these.

So given all of the above, is there any wonder that a Conservative would start looking elsewhere for the man of her dreams?

Which brings us to Fred Dalton Thompson.

The first reason I started looking around was because of Rudy being so high in the polls that it scared me to death that I would not have a Presidential candidate to vote for who did not believe it was okay to take the life of an innocent unborn baby. Then of course, the more I learned about the other candidates, the more desperate I became. So when rumors started flying that Fred Thompson might consider running, I naturally got extremely excited because if he did run, I would finally have a viable conservative for whom I could vote.

It was like meeting a guy from another school who had all the qualities you were looking for in a fella without all the baggage like those whom you had always known. He said all the right things and not only that but had the reputation to back them up. Shoot, even his exes talked glowingly about him and how often does that happen?

Sure you might have been a little hesitant at first since you had been there before but after awhile, you just knew he was the one. You were ready to commit and could hardly wait for the big day. He taught you things that you had never known before and made you want to learn even more and more about the Constitution and a new-fangled concept called Federalism.

Yes, there were some major bumps along the way but you thought y'all had worked past them or at least were working past the major ones and things were finally starting to look up.

Which is probably part of the reason you took it so hard when he left you standing at the altar. You were thinking you were on your way when suddenly he quit. Not only did he drop you but he did it by sending you a 'Dear John' letter.

Is it any wonder you are so heart-broken? You had so many hopes and dreams tied up with this man and now, you were back at square one left with the previous fellas whom you had already discounted for all the reasons already cited. Not only did none of them reach your standards, in the past few months, the more you learned about them, the more you saw just how right you were that they were all wrong for you.

And now that you had experienced your Knight in Shining Armor, your Sir Lancelot, how could you possibly settle for something, someone so much less? No one measures up to Fred's 6'6" height.

So here you are looking at the leftovers and just not having the appetite for even a snack. Oh the pain of being a jilted voter. Someone remind me next time to not get so involved in the dating scene. Someone remind me next time just to sit back and watch during the primaries so I can keep from getting my hopes up so high where I won't have to experience these pangs of a broken-heart again.

Oh Fred, where art thou?

Elusively yours,
ilja

Cross posted at Elusively Yours