I find your lack of faith disturbing.
By Moe Lane Posted in Archived — Comments (16) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »
Or: Vader Lied, Troopers Died.
I refer, of course, to the sensational new novel Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack. For too long, I think, we have relied on the hoary chestnut of "Lucas can't write" to answer the unanswered questions of that day. I mean, just look at this footage:
Does that seem realistic to you? And let's not even get into Dear Leader Palpatine's reaction, smuggled out at the cost of the lives of many Bothan spies:
This was not a surprised Sith Lord. I'm sorry, but it's true.
The next thing you'll be saying is that the hunt for the rebels was outsourced.
______________________________
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777
that the Empire had the Rebels surrounded on Hoth but LET THEIR LEADERS GO!!! And we know one Luke Skywalker was allowed to reach the planet Dagobah, where the old Jedi Master Yoda - who had been allowed to escape some 20 years before - resided, and yet no attack was ever made on the planet!!!
For vaderburton to rebuild.
______________________________
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777
if they had had the necessary level of security to stop the Tuskin Raiders from, uh, raiding, on Tatooine, maybe Skywalker never slips through the net. Why didn't the Stormtroopers check their passports?!? I'm guessing Obi Wan Kenobi greased their palms with some oil credits.
Then what ? Granting war powers to chancellor Palpatine destroyed the republic ?
______________________________
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777
That Vader offed Skywalker because he had the goods on Palpatine.
______________________________
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777
the Jedi Council didn't even exercise their constitutional role to advise and consent when they allowed Anakin on that body! they gave him the names of several moderates, but he rejected them all without sharing the names of those he might be considering! this unconstitutional Council Packing must be stopped!!!!
______________________________
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777
These are questions that need to be asked. Personally, I have long believed that it was the periscope-eyed monster that swam in the muck and mire of the garbage compactors on the Detention Level who was the secret co-conspirator in the destruction of the Death Star. The untold story is that he had been shanghaied into serving on the DS by a group of Imperial officers who promised him "several well-protected rooms of his own in a critical location on our premiere battlestation" and "an easy job with all he could eat and nobody looking over his, er, shoulder" but became very, very disgruntled when he learned the hideous truth...
remotely compete with you geeks (my 9 year old Star Wars obsessed kid beats my pants off in SW trivial pursuit), but this thread has definitely provided a good laugh.
There's also the subtle mysogynist thread that runs through the entire Saga and has been widely attributed to Lucas' primal fear of the female members of the species, from the crypto-incestuous romance of Luke and Leia to Han Solo being frozen in Carbonite, to the hideous vagina dentata scene with the Sarlacc Pit on Tattooine. At least, that's what Peter Biskind said in Mark Crispin Miller's book.
And if you buy that analysis, it only follows that there was a woman behind the sabotage of the Death Star after all is said and done. One of Tarkin's angry lovers, perhaps. But I've never bought that analysis because the rest of the Empire seemed so sterile and antisexual that they'd just never even give women a chance to cause trouble, not to mention the fact that if Lucas had wanted to imbue the Emperor with the truly transcendental power to create and destroy, he would have made him a *woman.*
...brilliant. I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time. Thanks Moe.
I'm going to call Osama Bin Laden by the nickname Admiral Allahu Akbar.
I'm such a dork. :P
thank you Moe :)