Oprah Show: Porn and Adultery Good for Your Marriage
By RightSideRedux Posted in Culture — Comments (29) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »
cross-posted at Family Fragments.com
Oprah is a talented woman who has tackled innumerable topics but nothing like this has crossed her couches before. The show that aired Tuesday, September 25, 2007 was entitled: “237 Reasons to Have Sex” and featured numerous “experts” on intimacy and marriage.
First to the defense of aberrant behavior was Dr. Pepper Schwartz who took it upon herself to fly across the world experiencing one-night stands and writing a book about her adventures. Among other things Dr. Schwatz advocated to Oprah the notion of “friends with benefits” … read, casual sex:
"We get together, we have a great time," said Dr. Schwartz "We adore each other, we respect each other, we have great sex, and that's it. It stays in that little category and it doesn't get out of it."
Of course Oprah conducted a poll of her own audience bringing to light several choice examples of the slippery slope that families face in our culture. Take Winnie, for example, who says she saw a gorgeous home, and she told her husband of 44 years about it that night. "He hawed about it and I said, 'I'll give you the best sex tonight you have ever had. I don't care if it's all night,'" she says. "And so we did and I got the house the next day."
Next, Oprah talks to Janee who owns a small collection of pornography, or, eh, “erotica” – as she prefers to call it. "I think with respect to my mother's generation, her mother's generation, you know, exploring the adult entertainment industry was just unheard of. It probably wasn't even an option for them,"
Another expert, Dr. Saltz, chimes in advocating pornography to women for overcoming their concerns about the addiction that their spouses indulge. To her credit, Dr. Saltz notes: “The problem is, it can be a double-edged sword in that anything really pleasurable can become kind of addictive.”
Next, Oprah trots out the best of the breed Greg and Hollie, married with two children enjoying all the normal things that families do… and, oh yeah, practicing “open marriages”, read adultery. As Oprah recounts the story:
During a long car trip Gregg asked Hollie—who says she had never had sex with anyone besides Gregg—if she was curious about being with someone else. "And I said, 'Well, nothing's missing. I don't need it. I don't really think about it,'" Hollie says. "But sure, I mean, if you're curious, if you've only had one partner your whole life, I mean, sure, you'd wonder what it would be like with somebody else."
…
Eventually Hollie started dating and eventually sleeping with one of their mutual friends. Gregg says he's flirted with other women but hasn't started an outside relationship of his own.
"She just has more love in her life," Gregg says. "It doesn't take anything away from what the two of us have."
As we pointed out previously Oprah has aired numerous shows delving into the topic of pornography addiction. These included the sad tale of woman who killed her husband in self defense after he went on a porn-induced rage and a former gospel singer whose life was shattered by the addiction. Why Oprah, whose influence is unmistakable, would backtrack to advocate pornography and adultery is beyond us.
Hmmm,
Is that so? How about this Oprahfication. The Rainbow Party. The woman's mind is in Larry Craig's bathroom stall.
Freedom Fighter in Occupied VA
The most troubling thing about this is the fact that millions of people view this and think it has some sort of legitimacy because Oprah did it.
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, I'm from the government and I'm here to help."
-Ronald Reagan
. . . nah, I don't mean it.
Quentin Langley
Editor of http://www.quentinlangley.net
International Editor of
Pepper Schwartz, tenured floozy. Does she seem credible?
"A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition." -- Rudyard Kipling
But she sure looks like someone who could irritate the paint off a fence with that condescending simper on her mug.
from her taxes, I'll give her that much.
"No compromise with the main purpose, no peace till victory, no pact with unrepentant wrong." - Winston Churchill
Note that she's actually in a relationship (dating and sleeping with) with their so-called "mutual friend."
Don't know much about "open marriage" etiquette but I was under the impression that the "outside" relationships are supposed to be strictly sexual ... but strangely the wife here is actually now someone else's girlfriend.
... while the husband, the pathetic, sorry husband "hasn't started an outside relationship of his own" ... yet. Does anybody here think this is for a lack of trying on his part?
I just hope Oprah revisits this "couple" two years from now.
Idiots. Who cares to venture how they vote?
Don't know much about "open marriage" etiquette but I was under the impression that the "outside" relationships are supposed to be strictly sexual ... but strangely the wife here is actually now someone else's girlfriend.
That does sound odd, but I suppose it takes all sorts.
Quentin Langley
Editor of http://www.quentinlangley.net
International Editor of
Think about it this way: most people have trouble keeping one relationship healthy and working. Now imagine trying to keep multiple relationships all working while you timeshare between them. With additional people involved, it just gets worse; 2 people only have 1 relationship, but between 3 people you'd have 3 relationships total, between 4 it's 6, between 5 it's 10, and it just gets progressively harder from there-- the geometric growth just gets brutal.
That as much as anything is why polyamorous groups are rarely stable.
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(Formerly known as bee) / Internet member since 1987
Member of the Surreality-Based Community
A well-organized polygamous relationship, with social reinforcement and safeguards in place to protect inheritance, is actually fairly stable. You need the first wife to be the chief wife, and to have her under enormous pressure to make sure resources (including the husband's sexual time and physical presence) are shared equally among spouses (and, without the sex of course, children). The first wife has to be prepared to be unpopular with at least some percentage of the other wives, and the husband has to either be extraordinarily socially adept, or to not give a rat's patoot (and be under no pressure to give that patoot). But it's not per se unstable.
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We are all heroes, you and Boo and I. Hamsters and rangers everywhere, rejoice!
If you're talking polygamy (or polyandry), then you can have structures like that. I would think that those are most commonly found in parts of Utah and the Middle East and in Third World countries where the local culture is accepting of it. I find it hard to imagine that a married couple in the United States (outside of certain Mormon offshoots) or in Western Europe trying to spice things up would get themselves into such a structure-- or at the least, I haven't heard of such personally.
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(Formerly known as bee) / Internet member since 1987
Member of the Surreality-Based Community
...simply due to the mathematics.
If the high-status males have multiple wives, there is going to be a surplus of younger, lower-status males.
The society can let these frustrated single males sit around and make trouble; it can deport them; or it can get in a war to occupy their time & maybe kill a few off.
It's such a fine line between stupid and clever. - David St. Hubbins
There are thousands of methods available for that, from infanticide in- and out-of-the-womb, chemical means, etc., to the old standbys of having the men procreate later in life.
The offset in male:female ratio is also dependent on how large a percentage of the population engages in the practice; it's part why Islam deserves some, academic credit on this score -- they built in safeguards to make polygamy hard to come by.
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We are all heroes, you and Boo and I. Hamsters and rangers everywhere, rejoice!
Granted, that is much the most common form of polygamy, and does seem to be what Thomas is talking about.
But it is only specifically polygynous or polyandrous marriages that run into this problem - ie if one or other of those structures is widely accepted, but not both - that necessarily run into such problems.
Quentin Langley
Editor of http://www.quentinlangley.net
International Editor of
... as an offense whose punishment should be trigamy.
It's such a fine line between stupid and clever. - David St. Hubbins
The phrase "too much Heinlein" is a contradiction in terms.
Quentin Langley
Editor of http://www.quentinlangley.net
International Editor of
And that varies a heck of a lot based on time and place, and the individuals involved. I wouldn't be interested in it personally, but hey, if that's what floats their boat, it's none of my business.
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Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself. - Milton Friedman
The episode you are complaining about isn't any better than this one that you apparently approve of:
"As we pointed out previously Oprah has aired numerous shows delving into the topic of pornography addiction. These included the sad tale of woman who killed her husband in self defense after he went on a porn-induced rage and a former gospel singer whose life was shattered by the addiction. Why Oprah, whose influence is unmistakable, would backtrack to advocate pornography and adultery is beyond us."
That might just be the first time I've ever seen the phrase "porn-induced rage" used anywhere.
All her shows are totally devoid of value. That's what she does. That's what she's always done. People still like her for some reason. Of course, people liked Donahue, Jerry Springer, Geraldo and all the other day-time talk show losers as well.
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Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself. - Milton Friedman
I saw something like this on the Mike Douglas (or was it Phil Donague?) show 25 years ago.
-imwithfred-
I can honestly say that I'm very pleased I don't know much of what Oprah is up to these days. This is an appalling example of why I encourage everyone I know to not poison the airways of their home with the show. Wonder if "Move on" owns her too?
Porn has prevented adultery in my marriage.
My wife joined the Army and was gone for 8 months. I needed an outlet. Porn costs less in a lot of ways that adultery...
"I Will Always Place The Mission First.
"I will never accept defeat.
"I will never quit.
"I will never leave a fallen comrade."
Warrior Ethos, US Army
I spent most of my career on the road a lot. I learned very quickly how easy it was to wind up at a hotel bar beside some woman who left SEA, SFO, or LA that morning really, really pissed at her husband/SO and who knew exactly how to get even with him. It takes a Helluva lot of discipline, more than I have, to say no to an attractive woman at your room or mine time.
Titty bars are a way to avoid both sitting in your room and dealing with that. Nothing happens in one of them without the exchange of fairly large amounts of money. I may not always be able to muster the willpower at "your room or mine" time, but so far, I've always been able to muster that willpower at "$500 please" time.
In Vino Veritas
http://www.amazon.com/Prime-Adventures-Advice-Sensual-Years/dp/006117358...
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My wife was telling me about this yesterday. She was horrified by it.
Good grief Oprah loves to define deviancy as normal behavior.