Redstate

It's For The CHILDREN!!!!

By haystack Posted in Congress — Comments (4) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »

The United States Senate is (or is supposed to be) debating S. 1893, "An original bill to amend title XXI of the Social Security Act to reauthorize the State Children's Health Insurance Program, and for other purposes."

This little gem of genius is the brain child of the one and only Max Baucus, of the great state of Montana. Now, I know this will come as a shock to some, but Max "too much Headroom" Baucus is a Democrat who thinks we need Universal Healthcare yet he believes we need to get everyone smoking cigarettes and cigars...by the truckload...so we can save the children. Don't smoke? No worries...dip and chew will help just the same. Get after it.

Baucus thinks we sheeple taxpayers owe the Children a $60 billion gimme and that we need to (righteously) EXPAND SCHIP $35 billion over five years...how can you say no to that?

That we will ULTIMATELY be giving THEM a bloating and festering carcass of an increase in funding, and whether this reality will only serve to further expand and grow Government, the inherent bureaucracy that will accompany it, and more deeply entrench the American psyche in this silly notion that entitlements and hand outs and the usurpation of the role of the States in our lives is somehow good for us in any silly and surreal and meaningful way, holds little if any concern in the mind of this political hero.

Mayhaps Maxie boy thinks he can get our tax dollars on both ends of that hot candle the Dems keep burning to save America and save the children™ considering that he is relying on us to kill ourselves more and faster so he can actually PAY for this. When we meet the fate our sins afford us, Maxie boy will be there with our free healthcare that, presumably, our healthy kids then grown to adulthood (themselves smoking and sinning at a feverish pace) will have paid for to cover our backs.

The great and wise Socialism of our time described below the fold

I am damn proud I smoke. As a Texan, my smoking has helped educate our children. When Governor Brylcream got his sin tax in 2006 to offset a reduction in property tax at the State level (so the local municipalities could bump it again), my money was going to increase Teachers' salaries and throw money into the allegedly underfunded classrooms.

My dollar a pack surcharge is making my kids smarter.

When we disemboweled the tobacco industry (you know, the ones we subsidized in the Farm bill?) to pay for the kids (none of these monies actually GOT to the kids...but I digress) I was proud to be a smoker, so these billions could be channeled to slush funds and rainy day funds and anti-smoking campaigns. I smoked more.

When, before that, we instituted lotteries and State-sponsored games of chance to fund our allegedly underfunded classrooms, I scratched more.

It's for the children, after all.

So, according to Section 701 we will save the children this way:

SEC. 701. INCREASE IN EXCISE TAX RATE ON TOBACCO PRODUCTS.

(a) Cigars- Section 5701(a) of the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 is amended--

(1) by striking `$1.828 cents per thousand ($1.594 cents per thousand on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)' in paragraph (1) and inserting `$50.00 per thousand',

(2) by striking `20.719 percent (18.063 percent on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)' in paragraph (2) and inserting `53.13 percent', and

(3) by striking `$48.75 per thousand ($42.50 per thousand on cigars removed during 2000 or 2001)' in paragraph (2) and inserting `$10.00 per cigar'.

(b) Cigarettes- Section 5701(b) of such Code is amended--

(1) by striking `$19.50 per thousand ($17 per thousand on cigarettes removed during 2000 or 2001)' in paragraph (1) and inserting `$50.00 per thousand', and

(2) by striking `$40.95 per thousand ($35.70 per thousand on cigarettes removed during 2000 or 2001)' in paragraph (2) and inserting `$104.9999 cents per thousand'.

(c) Cigarette Papers- Section 5701(c) of such Code is amended by striking `1.22 cents (1.06 cents on cigarette papers removed during 2000 or 2001)' and inserting `3.13 cents'.

(d) Cigarette Tubes- Section 5701(d) of such Code is amended by striking `2.44 cents (2.13 cents on cigarette tubes removed during 2000 or 2001)' and inserting `6.26 cents'.

(e) Smokeless Tobacco- Section 5701(e) of such Code is amended--

(1) by striking `58.5 cents (51 cents on snuff removed during 2000 or 2001)' in paragraph (1) and inserting `$1.50', and

(2) by striking `19.5 cents (17 cents on chewing tobacco removed during 2000 or 2001)' in paragraph (2) and inserting `50 cents'.

(f) Pipe Tobacco- Section 5701(f) of such Code is amended by striking `$1.0969 cents (95.67 cents on pipe tobacco removed during 2000 or 2001)' and inserting `$2.8126 cents'.

(g) Roll-Your-Own Tobacco- Section 5701(g) of such Code is amended by striking `$1.0969 cents (95.67 cents on roll-your-own tobacco removed during 2000 or 2001)' and inserting `$8.8889 cents'.

I am resigning myself to, once again, smoke more. You all need to join me. If we don't all start smoking at a feverish and frenzied pace, they will have to raise taxes to pay for these poor children of ours. And...we DON'T want another tax increase, now DO we?

Hurry up...start smoking now. There are children to be saved.