Good evening, Democrats. Welcome to the Spring of Pain.
And no, you will not be enjoying it. At all.
By Moe Lane Posted in 2008 | Kneel Before Zod | Rooting For Injuries | Spring of Pain — Comments (85) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »
So, you're asking yourself right now, How bad can it be, really? Yes, she won Rhode Island. Yes, she won Ohio by a lot. Yes, at this stage of the game she's on track to win at least the primary in Texas, but there's still the caucus, which he'll probably win, and there's all those lawsuits pending, and there are more races, and hasn't everyone been telling us that she'll never be the nominee anyway?
So it's not that bad, right? We wanted something like this, right?
Yes, it's that bad. No, you really didn't want this. Yes, the next six weeks are going to be exquisitely depressing for you.
Read on. Or don't. You pretty much stopped being relevant to this race when Hillary Clinton won Ohio.
I would lecture you on vote totals and the need to balance winning States like Idaho against losing States like Ohio, and so on, and so on, ad infinitum and ad nauseam. But there's no need for that; Senator Hillary Clinton has made it very simple. She has looked over the situation, she has decided that she can still win*, and so she will keep in the race. And she will not be making a token effort. That means that Senator Barack Obama must do the same thing.
That means that this race goes on, full throttle, through at least April 22. All that money that the two have collected? Guess what! It's going to get spent. Advertising is expensive, not to mention various and sundry... well, let's not call them bribes. Merely "considerations." But that's OK; they'll just call you up for more money. And more money. And then some more money on top of that. Because it's important. And if you can't cough it up, well, there's always corporate America. Lobbyists are actually made of money, you know. It's true! Look it up on Wikipedia. That's why they don't mind giving it away to politicians. Especially ones desperately looking for an edge.
By the way, did I mention how tiring campaigning is? Living out of suitcases, spending each night in a different hotel, driving back and forth across the country... it's no life for a person, or people, or group of people who have every tic, outburst, burst of temper and/or gaffe being recorded for posterity, or at least the nightly news. And they will make mistakes. And nobody was really expecting this to last this long, so they'll be making more mistakes as time goes on. Hopefully amusing ones, but I'm sure that the increasingly bored media that will be following both campaigns around are up to the task of ensuring that.
Meanwhile, of course, our candidate has wrapped up his nomination and will be spending the next few months preparing for the general election. I'm sure that you're looking forward to seeing one or the other of your candidates go after him; disabuse yourself of that notion. If one of them does, the other will take advantage of his/her lowered guard to strike a dirty blow of his/her own: remember, every dime spent attacking Senator McCain is a dime not spent ensuring the nomination, which is the important thing right now. If both of them do, McCain will simply murmur something about waiting until there's an actual Democratic candidate to give his answer. Mind you, there's nothing really stopping him from going after either candidate on his own.
And I need hardly point out that, thanks to the absolutely byzantine laws governing delegate allocation, the nomination will almost be decided at the Democratic National Convention by the eventual consensus of the super-delegates. Which is another way of saying that the Democratic Party has wasted a good deal of your time, attention, and money - but will be expecting you to replenish their stocks of all three anyway.
And I think that pretty much sums it up, doesn't it? You're going to hate the next few weeks, the campaign's going to end up being the political equivalent of an abscessed tooth for you, the GOP is meanwhile going to take this gift from the gods to do some needed infrastructure work, and it's all going to be essentially meaningless from your perspective anyway. And, oh, yes: you'll be needing to send the Democratic Party more money.
I don't know how you should handle it, honestly. Heavy drinking, maybe?
*Which she actually in fact can. Yes, yes, I know, somebody online told you that she couldn't. That person probably also told you that Obama was going to win big tonight; that she'd drop out tomorrow; and that the DNC knows better than you do about how to spend your money. So at least contemplate the possibility that you might have gotten some bad information, OK?