My Five-Step Plan for Normalizing Relations With Cuba.
Trust me, Raul, it's better this way.
By Moe Lane Posted in Foreign Affairs — Comments (34) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »
I have noted, with some interest, that Raul Castro is looking to the President of Brazil - tough luck, Hugo! - for some help in the Cuban "transition" (Via Captain's Quarters). While I understand the reasoning, more or less, I'm wounded that he didn't go right to the Zionist neocon running dog lackey imperialist cabal running the USA. We would have been able to set him up just fine, with no worries at all.
But in the interest of comity, I will ignore this spittle on our collective shadow and still provide my Five-Step Plan For Normalizing Our Relations with Cuba. Because I'm nice that way.
Read on.
Here we go.
Step 1. You have a lot of dissidents and politicals in jail right now. Let them out.
Step 2. This is very important: do not replace them with more dissidents and politicals. Leave the camps empty... HEY! Don't even think about replacing them with gay people again, either. I swear, once you Commies get an idea in your heads...
Step 3. Show us the body. Sorry, man, but we need to see it. Check for breath with a mirror, poke the side with a pin, drain the veins of blood and replace with formaldehyde (works a lot better than a stake through the heart, decapitation and stuffing the mouth with garlic, let me tell you)... the usual drill. Which we may be bringing with us for the dead check, so don't freak, OK?
Step 4. Call up a Swiss bank and set up an account of about $50 million American... oh. You're all set there, already? Well, that will save time.
Step 5. Charter a flight to some nice, warm location where the local government won't extradite you without our say-so. Then take said flight. Trust me, our gratitude for having you just up and leave will likely outlast the remainder of your natural lifespan.
And that should do it - on your end, at least: we'll handle the rest.
Moe
PS: Because you're not Fidel Castro, that's why. You, we can just let go.
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My Five-Step Plan for Normalizing Relations With Cuba. 34 Comments (0 topical, 34 editorial, 0 hidden) Post a comment »
Cuba needs to do one of two things:
1) discover oil
2) have over a billion people
Either of these two should do the trick. If they can do both, then realpolitik should kick in, and we should be able to fast-track the whole thing.
You can't afford the price of free corn.
We shoud have done redgime change their years ago. Woud Ben Ladin have thout we where weak and atacked us on 911 if we had shown some backbone in Cuba? Sadam never woud have dared provoke us either if we had sent in the marines in the 50s. It shoud have been a war on Cuba, not a war on povarty. THANKS A LOT LBJ!
I tend to check the age of the poster.
It is rarely an age greater than a day.
Man is free at the moment he wishes to be. --Voltaire
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"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
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"The Constitution is not a suicide pact". Justice Robert H. Jackson
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"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
Texting is only partly to blame for grammar and spelling this bad. The rest belongs to teachers who don't teach, or are easy graders on papers. I have seen it too much and saw it in my own kids. I made them work on their grammar at home with a home schooling program to supplement the education they were not getting in the public schools.
Wubbies World, MSgt, USAF (Retired):
public static void main(String[] args) {
System.out.println("An argument is a sequence of statements aimed at demonstrating the truth of an assertion.); }
to make some offerings dependent upon democratic changes in Cuba. I think that Raul is a bit more reasonable...(may be wrong, but worth a try)...
Formally known as Deagle... "Golf is a way of life..."
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"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
unfortunately, the world is not as we would like it! We may have to actually compromise just a bit...with those that are unreasonable (not democratically though)...
Formally known as Deagle... "Golf is a way of life..."
Don't we need proof he's not as bent on the destruction of the United States as his brother (see the Cuban Missile Crisis)?
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"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
We already know an embargo isn't going to do the trick. Castro's death provides a decent opening for normalizing trade with Cuba... so long as we don't look too closely at Raul, anyway. I think we are better off trading with evil regimes and undermining them that way rather than freezing them in time with embargoes.
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Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself. - Milton Friedman
Tariffs I oppose. Those are just taxes. But an embargo? I'm really not sure what to think.
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"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
We sure do know that the imbargo didnt work. THATS WHY ITS THE PERFECT TIME FOR REDGIME CHANGE!!!!! JUST BECASE FIDEL IS DEAD DOESNT MEAN RAUL IS! HE NEEDS TO GO!
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Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself. - Milton Friedman
HTML Help for Red Staters
"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
I tend to follow the let's wait and see rule...with a bit of overt handouts. If that does not work, then I will agree with antagonistic reprisals... The ideal end, however, is reasonable and workable peace between us...
I do not arbitrarily assume that Raul assumes the positions of his brother. I think that we should try alternatives and see what results!
Formally known as Deagle... "Golf is a way of life..."
If Raul were to suddenly demise in some kind of suspicious accident, not nearly as many Hollywood movie "stars" would notice. Just sayin' ...
You can't afford the price of free corn.
I thought long and hard about posting this, but here goes. I don't mean to detract from Moe's plan, which sounds great. The problem I see, though, is that it is the first five steps of a 12 step program. Here we go again, assuming that once the dictator is gone, we're done. Where's the Phase IV?
Admittedly, we are not talking about one religious group helping another meet their maker first. But there is a lot of hatred and resentment that has built up in (and outside) of Cuba in the last 49 years. What happens when half of Florida ferries over to reclaim everything their families lost?
Believe me, I look forward to the day when Havana is a cruise stop. I'm just not ready to buy a ticket.
...that the best thing that we could do about/for Cuba right now is simply to stop treating them differently than we did, say, Soviet-era Albania.
The Fuzzy Puppy of the VRWC. I've been usurped!
wondering if we were going to be ash or dying lingering rad deaths at any moment.
keep in mind something the msm of today doesn't point out; krush had made specific public nuclear threats toward the usa so him putting missiles in cuba wasn't taken as a "self-defense" kinda thing back then.
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"The Constitution is not a suicide pact". Justice Robert H. Jackson
... what would happen, post Castro... if we just 'threw open the doors' to Cuba... not unlike the wall coming down in Germany.
Would all those exiles coming 'home' with all that money just cause things to implode?
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"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
Let's make that plan sound far more reasonable to Raul than the alternative of a bullet in the brain pan.
BTW, Step 3 starts to sound a lot like the methods for checking if a Pope has died.
"The camerlengo's first task is to certify that the pope is dead. Traditionally, this has included tapping the pope's forehead, perhaps with a little silver hammer, and calling him three times by his first name."
Fighting for conservatism one day at a time.
if true. I had not heard that.
I would like to see done what I think would also work in the Mideast.(yeah, I know it ain't gonna happen but you can see that it might work).
Load up some c17's with refrigerators, microwaves, mp3 players, dvd players, tv's, ovens, generators etc. and parachute them in to the populace. I think that would be cheaper than the cost of the war. Plus china may go along; think of all the new customers.
__________________________________________________________
"The Constitution is not a suicide pact". Justice Robert H. Jackson
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"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
The stick works better if there's some hope of a carrot.
The Fuzzy Puppy of the VRWC. I've been usurped!
if no sign is left of what is "blammed" how can we of little experience modify/correct our own behaviour. (yes i've read the posting rules and the redstate faq). perhaps it's too much effort but maybe leaving some trace of what the offender did would be instructive for posters? maybe a tag such as "blammed for obscenity"? I apologize for the threadjack.
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"The Constitution is not a suicide pact". Justice Robert H. Jackson
The point was that my five step plan would be five bullets into Raul Castro, heh.
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"If we want to take this party back, and I think we can someday, let’s get to work." – Barry Goldwater
of an indignity. Especially if he sees everything he and his comrades fought for is reversed the instant the borders are opened even a crack. China has some areas of tropical warmth where he and Fidel might be welcomed, sorry no bribes for murderers of children and the infirm.
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"The Constitution is not a suicide pact". Justice Robert H. Jackson
I cannot get over how so many say we should compromise with Cuba.
Let the prisoners out, then maybe we should talk.
As much as this, that, or the other guy in this, that, or the other country that we will be making this offer to at some point in the future.
We need to be able to point at Raul and point out the pretty girl in the bikini on his lap and the drink in his hand and say "ALL THIS COULD BE YOURS!" and get him (whomever he is) to up and leave.
So... this is a wonderful, elegant, delicious plan.
But we can't have Raul assassinated. Heck, we may even have to do what we can to make sure he doesn't die of a heart attack/stroke in the next decade or so.
That said... I love the plan. It's the perfect counter-balance to Iraq.
Man is free at the moment he wishes to be. --Voltaire