Al Gore, Cub-slayer. [Now with a picture!]

Remember: cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly.

By Moe Lane Posted in Comments (46) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »

While I think that both Captain Ed and Glenn Reynolds have the right idea in reacting to Al Gore's energy use - that is, with fully justified scorn and eye-rolling - I think that they've both missed a really primo chance to bring it home to the American voting public, as it were. Thankfully, this is why we designed the right-blogosphere to be a decentralized network of independent observers: somebody's always there to pick up the slack.

Read on.

Let us, for the moment - solely for the moment - assume that American energy production, left unchecked, really is going to melt the polar ice caps and drown all the polar bears. I believe that Gore has a film out on the scenario, in fact. Let us further assume that the population of the United States is equally responsible for this melting: thus, collectively, we are all drowning all of the polar bears.

With me so far?

OK. There are 20,000 polar bears in the the world, more or less. There are apparently currently around 110 million households in the US. Assuming that each household averages out to being equally responsible, that means that each American household is currently drowning somewhere around 0.0001818 polar bears apiece. Tragic, yes? The only thing is, Al Gore is currently using 20 times the average household's electricity budget each year. That means that his Drowning Polar Bear responsibility number is 0.00364... or almost four millibears a year!

Those numbers add up, people. And note that I'm assuming a straight-line number in polar bear drownings. The reality is, it will be on a curve... which means that unless he reforms his lifestyle Al Gore could very well have a yearly rating of a centibears by the end of the decade, and be well into an annual decibear rating (or, God forbid, dekabears) by the end of his life. And that's just the polar bears! Down at the bottom of the world there are 450,000 Emperor Penguins out there, more or less: Al Gore's contribution to their extinction is currently a staggering eight millimarches a year.

Those poor, poor chicks. What did these defenseless animals ever do to you, Al Gore? What. Did. They. Ever. Do. To. YOU?

But, hey: enjoy your Oscar. Maybe you could wrap it in harp seal fur to keep it safe. Why not? You're already clocked in at a whopping 9.54 deciseals per year. Might as well round it up, huh?


PS: Yes, I'm aware of the flaws in the logic. Would that more of the people that I'm parodying were, too.

Update: One, read Mason Conservative. He got to this one first. Second, these guys were, I swear to God, banner adding this post. Look at your victim, Al Gore:

I... I can't swim for much longer... I can't see mycubs anymore... Were the Tennesse summers really that bad for you, Mr. Vice President?  Glub... glub...

Why do you hate him, Al Gore? Why your cruelty?

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Al Gore, Cub-slayer. [Now with a picture!] 46 Comments (0 topical, 46 editorial, 0 hidden) Post a comment »

Listen. You need to *learn*. The most important thing is not AlGore's personal energy consumption while he's trying to reduce everyone's energy consumption. That's a FREEBIE. Al Gore gets that FOR FREE. He also has nine lives, and a pocketful of free passes to Davos, and now, an Oscar! All of that is of very little importance to you, the consumer.

The only thing you need to know, as the consumer, is that Al Gore is saving the world, is an Oscar-winning Documentarian, and isn't really running for President in 2008, unless the 2007 hurricane season works out in his favor. Which even the best climatologists can't predict, so he's rolling the dice.

In the meantime, I suggest that you take AlGore's suggestions preemptively, because in less than ten years, the world is going to END. That's right -- it's terrifying! The seas will rise, Venice will finally be swept into the sea, and poor people everywhere will drown (or bake!) because Gaia can't take it any more!

Is his usage down or up from last year?

If UP, Ooooops, SCANDAL---and some major explanations need to come from him.

If DOWN, and significantly, then he can publish what he's done to make his mansion more ecofriendly/cost-efficient. And have another hit, 'How to be Rich and Green'


Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore’s energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200 kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400 kWh per month in 2006.

So...what say you now?

when they just have to get circumcised so they can be relocated to Florida?

Envisioning when all that is Left is the Right. unmatched by anyone else I've seen. While things like "facts" and "logic" can be swept under the rug, or otherwise ignored, while in a lefty echo chamber, posts like this do an amazing job of dragging those inconsistencies out into the light, and holding them up in plain sight so that they can be recognized for what they really are.

Well done, friend, as always. :-)

She thought that the whole thing was vaguely silly. :)

The Fuzzy Puppy of the VRWC.

I mean, fine - if you don't like Al Gore, call him a hypocrite. But at least take the time to remember that the messenger & the message are two separate things, and attacking the one doesn't say anything about the other.

I haven't checked the accuracy of the most recent charges that Gore is an energy hog. Frankly, I don't care. I don't think he is a hypocrite - I give him the benefit of the doubt that he is as concerned as he asks the rest of us to be, and, the simple fact is that a single individual's conservation or lack thereof is going to make just about zero difference.

His people says he lives carbon neutral despite his consumption, by buying carbon offsets. And the beauty of it is, that anybody can do that - where they can't or don't want to conserve, they can spend their cash on reducing their footprint other ways. The megarich can still live like the megarich in good conscience, if the reduce energy consumption outside their mansions as much as they increase it inside. That's kind of a capitalist thing, and I would think it would be appreciated here at RS.

Now, none of it may be true - his people may be lying... it doesn't matter. Al Gore is not global warming. He isn't the thousands of scientists who study it. He isn't the world population that has to deal with it or fix it. He's a dude. He's a dude that is now probably out of electoral politics for life. Not worth a lot of effort , unless the real target is climate science - in which case - the post is pure ad hominem.

Or at least pout in a more amusing manner.

The Fuzzy Puppy of the VRWC.

Yes, I took your bait. I also pointed out that your argument amounts to, on the one hand, pure ad hominem - a poor faith attack on climate science, or on the other hand a bronx cheer at somebody who isn't even involved in politics anymore. Stop pouting? Stop projecting.

...that I take you seriously enough to be worth the effort.

The Fuzzy Puppy of the VRWC.

(Hint for ya, Malaga, since Moe is having far too much fun playing with you: the post stands on its own, not as a treatise on AGW per se, but as an example of how our side would look if we used the style of rhetoric used by yours. "See the cute bear. Look at the complicated numbers. Don't understand them? Trust me, they're bad for the bear. The cute bear. Act now, before someone thinks you don't care about cute bears.")

(See, it's supposed to be funny. Laugh, or don't laugh, but save yourself the millibears of energy it takes to dissect the illogic of a joke.)

(For future reference, the correct ways to respond to a joke at your expense are to 1. laugh graciously, even if you don't think it's funny or 2. come up with something related to the joke that's also at your expense, and may be funny to the other party. But whatever you do, don't ever explain that a joke is not accurate because it's illogical.)

[TiTiT] The Academy: Your Logic Service Provider

Nothing more, nothing less. Dude, there are people sleeping in the cold on bed ofcardboard all over America. When that issue is resolved, then I will worry about the global warming caused by scientific grants.

Envisioning when all that is Left is the Right.

Just how are those carbon credits created ?
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777

while riding in a stretch Prius.

Envisioning when all that is Left is the Right.

replied on the wrong line.

After all, Al Gore won a prestigous award at a ceremony celebrating the best people in the world of make-believe. Yes, the very same people who brought you "ET: The Extra Terrestrial" and "Basic Instinct" and "The Karate Kid" now give you "Al Gore, Prophet!"

I actually think it was wonderful that he won an Academy Award last night for his movie, because it was right there, in a tuxedo, on the stage of the Motion Picture Academy at the Kodak Theater, that Al Gore spoke to his true audience and received their love.

Anyone serious would have made sure that their film had been withdrawn from consideration for an Oscar at a Hollywood awards ceremony. Last night, Gore showed that it was all about the hype, and nothing but the hype.

a millibear was lost.

"No compromise with the main purpose, no peace till victory, no pact with unrepentant wrong." - Winston Churchill

Is that Al Gore is not, has not, nor will ever be President. And THAT is an inconvenient truth.

To further hype his cause, I am sure he will seek to convince the American Public that the Bush Administration personally caused Hurricane Katrina and any other devastating storms coming our way. I see him claiming that George Bush personally jumped up and down in the water off the coast of Africa causing the waves led to Tropical Depression Katrina then Tropical Storm Katrina then Hurricane Katrina...

The Fuzzy Puppy of the VRWC.

It doesn't matter if AG actually arms himself with a club to go after all manner of arctic wildlife in a bloody rage. Doesn't make him, or the science he talks about, wrong.

Laws of logic. I do not subscribe to those laws, in fact I believe that indeed if a horrible liar or insane person says something,(Al Gore) you ought not to believe it until it is proven by other data.

"Nothing works like freedom, Nothing succeeds like liberty"

unless it's supported by data other than someone's say so. Doesn't matter if they are or not horrible liars, insane persons, etc... Horrible liars and insane people are capable of saying true things (or at least things that are approximately true).

Proofs are for math, btw.

assertion comes from someone I do not trust.
BTW The proof is in the pudding.

"Nothing works like freedom, Nothing succeeds like liberty"

I'm the same way... Nothing wrong with that.

There is something wrong with being automatically distrustful of people with whom one disagrees politically - something I'm guilty of from time to time. Something wrong with being automatically trusting of people with whom one agrees. Al Gore is a politician - at least was one - and that puts him in a class rightly to be distrusted. But, if I do trust him more because I agree with him on many things (or because he is a member of my "tribe" - since partisan politics seem to be pretty tribal these days), then shame on me. And if you distrust him more for disagreeing with you, or coming from the wrong "tribe", shame on you. On this matter, Al Gore is a spokesman. My trust of what he says on this matter is limited to the extent which it agrees with what I know of climate science from sources that actually study it. He gets a few details wrong, but overall, he's not terribly untrustworthy in this manner. Even if he is a bear murderer.

I had hoped that someone would point this out, but it appears to fall to me. A charge of hypocrisy is not merely a specialized species of ad hominem; it is, more specifically, a charge that someone who encourages others to adhere to a certain standard (indeed, a person leading the charge) does not himself live up to the standard, which does indeed (jusfifiably) cause dispassionate observers to question the validity of the standard itself.

The science of climate change is certainly susceptible to argument apart from Al Gore (I'm not as skeptical as Moe myself), but when the topic of the conversation is Gore himself, as has become the case in the last few days especially, it's a valid point.

[F]or by the fundamental law of Nature, man being to be preserved as much as possible, when all cannot be preserved, the safety of the innocent is to be preferred...

-John Locke

Then... needle away - who cares?

If it is about the standard - that should be argued on its own merits - the same would be true if GWB or Ralph Nader was "leading the charge".

and by Malaga

honest, sane people are capable of making falsehoods, btw.

without a sense of humor.

Two thirds of the world is covered by water, the other third is covered by Champ Bailey

Envisioning when all that is Left is the Right.

Uh, Moe--I think this is the picture you were looking for.

You know you wanted to use it.

"I'm kind of old-fashioned. I like to engage my brain before my mouth." Donald Rumsfeld

for taking Mr. Gore's style of scientific accuracy to the next level. You have done humanity a great service with your meticulous research.

[TiTiT] The Academy: Your Logic Service Provider

How did these guys get Al Gore's utility bill? Did they rummage through his trash? Did they break any laws? Has anyone seen this utility bill? Who the hell is the "Tennessee Center for Policy Research"?

This story doesn't have any credibility until we find out more. Anyone can slap a website up, give it a fancy name, and start making stuff up. Be careful.

A certain side of the political spectrum (hint: rhymes with "theft") get in the habit of saying "we" all the time, since there are no individuals to them, only classes.

[TiTiT] The Academy: Your Logic Service Provider

"They destroy our leaders!" Yeah, because no one on the left has ever had an ad hominem attack on any Republican right?

"Nothing works like freedom, Nothing succeeds like liberty"

The message is that we should wear a hairshirt but the messenger is wearing silk.
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777

The kossacks have promoted you to an official part of the echo chamber. My kossack is a little rusty but I think it translates to english as "One who speaks inconvenient truths"
"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."
-Thomas Paine: The American Crisis, No. 4, 1777

funniest thing I've seen since being here. Millibears! Now if only the EnviroThugs could take themselves & their Holy Mission less seriously.

"a man's admiration for absolute government is proportinate to the contempt he feels for those around him". Tocqueville

Al Gore's position on carbon trading credits is akin to the old Civil War practice of buying your way out of the draft. It is a way for the rich to avoid the sacrifice they are placing on the poor. We tolerate that for clean air act credits, since it is relatively wealthy companies trading credits among themselves, but for personal household energy consumption, it is another story altogether.

Darn...I had frosted MilliBears for breakfast...will Al G. notice? I suspect not, as those pesky MilliBears are so terribly terribly small.

I would have had the pudding, but that’s how I lost my Proof last time, and I was reluctant to explore the possibility it had survived digestion.

Besides, the MilliBears provide good fiber, and if Al Gore doesn’t mind disposing of them, why should I?

(Seriously, though, Al is rather a weenie, is he not? But I mean that in the nicest way.)

(Sir Lane, thanks for the laugh. Very much on target, as always)

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