Al Gore, Cub-slayer. [Now with a picture!]
Remember: cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly.
By Moe Lane Posted in Energy — Comments (46) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »
While I think that both Captain Ed and Glenn Reynolds have the right idea in reacting to Al Gore's energy use - that is, with fully justified scorn and eye-rolling - I think that they've both missed a really primo chance to bring it home to the American voting public, as it were. Thankfully, this is why we designed the right-blogosphere to be a decentralized network of independent observers: somebody's always there to pick up the slack.
Let us, for the moment - solely for the moment - assume that American energy production, left unchecked, really is going to melt the polar ice caps and drown all the polar bears. I believe that Gore has a film out on the scenario, in fact. Let us further assume that the population of the United States is equally responsible for this melting: thus, collectively, we are all drowning all of the polar bears.
With me so far?
OK. There are 20,000 polar bears in the the world, more or less. There are apparently currently around 110 million households in the US. Assuming that each household averages out to being equally responsible, that means that each American household is currently drowning somewhere around 0.0001818 polar bears apiece. Tragic, yes? The only thing is, Al Gore is currently using 20 times the average household's electricity budget each year. That means that his Drowning Polar Bear responsibility number is 0.00364... or almost four millibears a year!
Those numbers add up, people. And note that I'm assuming a straight-line number in polar bear drownings. The reality is, it will be on a curve... which means that unless he reforms his lifestyle Al Gore could very well have a yearly rating of a centibears by the end of the decade, and be well into an annual decibear rating (or, God forbid, dekabears) by the end of his life. And that's just the polar bears! Down at the bottom of the world there are 450,000 Emperor Penguins out there, more or less: Al Gore's contribution to their extinction is currently a staggering eight millimarches a year.
Those poor, poor chicks. What did these defenseless animals ever do to you, Al Gore? What. Did. They. Ever. Do. To. YOU?
But, hey: enjoy your Oscar. Maybe you could wrap it in harp seal fur to keep it safe. Why not? You're already clocked in at a whopping 9.54 deciseals per year. Might as well round it up, huh?
PS: Yes, I'm aware of the flaws in the logic. Would that more of the people that I'm parodying were, too.
Why do you hate him, Al Gore? Why your cruelty?